Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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