Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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