She announced her abortion via fbk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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