he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize