I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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