My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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