I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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