never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
