and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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