I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
