I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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