ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
