There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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