I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
