I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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