His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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