i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
