Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
