can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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