I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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