Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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