U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
