That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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