I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
