i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
