How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
