just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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