So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
