last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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