How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
