All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
