How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
