Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
