so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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