I think my fart just growled at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize