Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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