rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
