shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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