dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
