Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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