You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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