Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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