Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
