i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
