is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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