Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
