So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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