She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
