cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to calm my uterus...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
