u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
