ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
