He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
