There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
