I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
