He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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