The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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