32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
