that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
