It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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