Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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