and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
