The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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